Standing By

TODAY: Put this on the lid of your “tool box.” Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in the world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn’t buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is only given once. Once wasted, you cannot give it back.

Whenever I read Mark 14: 37, I identify with both Jesus and the disciples. Jesus is in Gethsemane the night he will be betrayed and arrested. He knows what he is facing, and longs for his disciples to support him, but they disappoint him repeatedly. “Simon,” he says when he discovers Peter asleep in the garden. “Could you not keep watch for one hour?”

His words speak to me of what I imagine as his human loneliness that last night, his longing for someone who could understand him and what he was facing, his need for comfort in his hour of darkness. He had comforted them, taught them, loved them, fed them, led them away from their daily lives, and still they were not able to stay awake and pray in his hour of need. How ashamed they must have been later when they understood that it was their last chance to be with him.

What a deep echo those words arouse in me of longing for understanding, for comfort, for someone to stay awake with me. And yet, even disappointed, Jesus gave his life for us, to be a light for us, to show us that it is possible to let go of anger, hatred and disappointment and give to others in need.

The first anniversary of my Mom’s death was an Easter weekend, and my family gathered around my Dad in Corpus Christi to celebrate having made it through a year without her. My Dad had gone alone to Australia in October (they had always meant to go together), and it had become a kind of pilgrimage dedicated to her. He brought back sand and pebbles from all the beautiful beaches she never made it to and saved them for that anniversary. We all went out to Padre Island and scattered most of the sand and pebbles there where she loved to walk; we hugged each other and cried. I said a prayer that she would be comforted wherever she was. And thought of Jesus and his disappointment, and the disciples after he was gone, missing him and wishing they could be better people.

May we learn to forgive each other and ourselves for our weaknesses and our failures, as Jesus forgave. And may we all find the comfort and understanding we long for. Amen.

— Nancy Searls