Family Through Faith

Many of us experience the toils of blending families, of stepparents and step-siblings, half-siblings and half-parents. Knowing what this means and what really matters can be so hard as we wade through our day-to-day relations. Recently, God shared with me that love and faith in Him prevails over law and convention.

My first marriage was to a man and his three children. We struggled as we tried to be a family - I wasn't their mom, as their mom wanted to be their mom, although she lived far away. I was their Mary Ellen, and we were comfortable with that. I did the best I could as their full-time caregiver. To the older boys, I was a buddy and life organizer and periodic girlfriend adviser. To the young and wounded daughter, I was a guardian in the true sense of the word, a friend, a teacher, and unfortunately, at times, I was her adversary and rival.

I was there for her as best I could be. I loved her through it all, and we shared the good and hard times, the girl moments and the inevitable difficulties and struggles of our life decisions. I tried to show her she was loved as best I could in a most imperfect way, and she watched me toil with life in ways I did not even know. Her eyes and memory were young and bright, and I know now they served her well.

She accompanied me through my pregnancy of her half brother and down the road of motherhood. She liked this, I knew, and she was a natural caregiver herself. And then before we knew it, I was gone, as her mom had done, too. And she was alone again. And there was silence.

Four and a half years have passed since I left her side. I have remarried and am blending families yet again, and she has mothered a child at the age of 18 and is now married as well. Recently, God brought us together again and gave to us the most beautiful gift. It was as though we were never apart, although our lives had changed completely. We shared a comfort that we had forgotten existed . . . and maybe it hadn't existed prior to this. She had become a woman and an exemplary mother. I was so proud of her.

When we said good-bye, I believe we both felt the anguish of our four-year separation. The time that had passed so quickly and quietly was there so painfully present after just one week of being together. As she left, I hugged her tight and told her how very proud of her I was; she was doing a great job, and she'd find strength to continue. She turned to me as if without knowing what she said herself. "I learned it all from you. YOU are my mother too and my friend forever." I realized then that love and expressing our faith in Him also can create a family. Who says we only get one mom or dad in this life? Certainly not the God I know.

— Mary Ellen Flather

Courtesy of The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist