Faith, Trust And A Child

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." These are the words I clung to during a difficult time of my life when it looked like the walls were closing in.

It was a late night after a long day, and I was alone in a hotel room that could have been in any city in the United States. The room was comfortable and clean, but I was uneasy about what I was about to discover. You see, I was entrenched in the working world; most of my days were spent contributing to the companies with which I had been employed, climbing the ladder of success, rung by rung. Living in the city, in an apartment in the middle of town, I enjoyed early morning walks to work, arriving before most of the employees, to get a head start on the day's activities. Years of working late and dinners with the "company team" had become a regular routine ... the business world suited me well. The few friends I knew were those whom I'd met at the gym; we saw each other on an infrequent basis, but I really didn't need close relationships. In fact, with the work and travel schedule I was keeping, there really wasn't much time for relationships. Parents and siblings were far away, letters back and forth were frequent, but visits were few.

So I found myself that night, waiting in a dimly lit hotel room. The small print on the box suggested that pregnancy test results were most reliable when the test was taken in the early morning hours. Trying to sleep at such a time is not something that comes easily. The inevitable questions invaded my thoughts ... How could I have gotten myself into such a situation? "There is a time for everything," Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us, and there is a good reason that we are schooled in the logic of getting married before having children. Had I truly abandoned the teachings I'd grown up with? A businesswoman, especially a single businesswoman, has no place for a baby in her life. What about the long hours, the travel? And what about the baby? How could I justify having a child, knowing how little time I would spend being a mother? As I sat there, head spinning, minutes dragged into hours, and finally the time arrived to find the answer to the question that I had dreaded. It wasn't long before the answer came ... a definite yes.

The rest of the business trip was a blur. Arriving back in the city, I kept my "secret" concealed for several months, trying to figure out how I was going to handle everything, until the obvious was spilling out. After explaining the pregnancy with employers, I flew home to announce the news to my parents and family; well aware that they would not be happy with the way it had all happened. Embarrassed to tears with each pronouncement and very afraid of what the future held, I left the home of my parents to return to work, selfishly shattered. Frightened and alone, but aware that I had to take full responsibility for my actions, I desperately sought reassurance from the words of Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The only way I could go on, to face my future was to trust that the Lord our God had a plan for my life, and face each day in humble prayer. Was this the Lord's path for my life? Did I understand the Lord's way? No. Did I understand why? No. Did I like what I had done? No. Did I want a change in the career life I was living? No.

But a change did come. And though it wasn't easy, and it wasn't smooth, a change did come. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of Motherhood. After nine months of fear, anxiety and prayer, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby. The pregnancy had been textbook, according to my doctors. Though trembling fearfully throughout it all, my delivery was simple ... not even anesthetic was required. The baby was born in tiptop shape, with all the fingers and toes God's tiny creatures are supposed to have.

Today, I marvel at the miraculous creation that was brought into my life. This beautiful child is mine for a few years, to nurture and guide. Having a baby did indeed turn my world around. The change I had so resisted did come. The earlier life I was clinging to was no longer part of my world. God apparently had a different plan for my life; four months after the birth, my job was mysteriously terminated. The transition I went through was lengthy, and indescribably confusing. Day by day, I had to believe the words of Psalm 32:8; our God was instructing me in His way, His path to travel, His path for my life. And guess what? He was! For the loss of my old life was the birth of something even better ... something I would never have dreamed possible. For that little baby ... this growing child, has become the joy and love of my life, the very reason for my existence.

We are a family of four now. And every day, I thank our God for what He has provided me.

— Anonymous

Courtesy of The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist