God's Special Grace

As I learned through my Disciple Bible study class, much of the Old Testament has to do with God choosing unlikely persons as leaders or prophets. Moses, for example, was a reluctant candidate when God chose him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. He asked God to "please send someone else."

I have often asked myself why God chose our daughter Claire to be stricken by a brainstem tumor at the age of 25 months, a tumor that the doctors pronounced definitively fatal. Why Claire, why me, why our family? What did we do to deserve to suffer so much, for there is no greater torture than seeing one's child suffer.

In the beginning, four years ago, I felt only despair, anger and incomprehension about God's cruelty. But over time, it has become apparent that He has a different plan for Claire than the diagnosis given by her doctors. Claire is surviving. She is a beautiful, gifted child, connected to God in a very real way. She does not yet know how special she is.

As the story of Claire's life and our life continues to unfold, I am beginning to understand that being chosen by God for this journey was never a curse. Rather, we have been given the greatest gift ever - our child has been saved and healed. I take nothing for granted. I believe there is nothing more wonderful than a perfectly ordinary day. The "simple things" in life feel especially exquisite: seeing Claire run and laugh, watching her climb into the school bus, seeing a Popsicle melt down her chin, hearing her delight as she tears open a Christmas present, watching her ride her bike and play with her brother or her best friend, Melanie, sharing her excitement over her first loose tooth.

Because we thought we would never be allowed to experience in Claire these things that one often takes for granted with children, the mere fact of their occurrence brings joy and gratitude of a sort so profound that I wonder if I could ever have experienced it otherwise. With this gratitude comes humility, because I can never forget who made these feelings possible. And in humility comes a more direct relationship with God, because in my heart, I thank Him each time I can kiss, hold and absorb my daughter and my son. Claire truly is God's gift to our family, to all those who know her and to all those whose lives she touches.

As one of my Disciple classmates told me, my family was chosen by God to shepherd Claire through her life because He knew we could do it. It was not a random event. Like Moses, I did not want to be "chosen" by God to have a child diagnosed with a fatal illness. But as we see with each passing month, this mission we've been given is filled with blessings and gifts - the gift of faith in seeing God's work revealed in Claire, the gifts of healing, gratitude, humility, compassion and joy in the beauty of a normal day.

— Elizabeth Russell

Courtesy of The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist