TURNING TO GOD

I slowly opened my eyes. I was lying on the floor. It was so frightening not to know where I was and what day it was. I was totally exhausted. My parents stood over me looking down with such love and concern. My tongue hurt. What had happened?

It seemed to take an eternity rather than minutes for my memory to slowly return. This was my room at home. It was my senior year in high school. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed for me.

That night I fell into a deep sleep. The next day we saw the doctor. Soon we saw the specialist in Atlanta, and soon the verdict was in: I had epilepsy. What did this mean for me and for my future?

The medication I began to take daily took all of the highs and lows out of my life. Everything was flat. I was encouraged to get eight hours of sleep, which was easy since I was so tired from the medication. Overdoing was my way of life and that needed to change. Only one outside activity a week was the suggestion. I could no longer drive. (In Georgia, you needed to be seizure-free for two years to be able to drive.)

I wish I could say that I did everything that the doctor suggested and never had another seizure, but I have had several occasions when I didn’t get enough rest and forgot my medication, pushed myself too much, and – had a seizure. I am one of the lucky ones. If I get my rest and take my medication, I don’t have seizures. Although this may have made me readjust my image physically, it did not change my image spiritually. That had been nurtured through many years of my life. A physical condition could not affect God’s love for me.

Still, I went to college, had a career with computers, married my dear husband Dave, and we have our wonderful son Brad. What was different because of the epilepsy? In college I was not as involved with outside activities as I would have been. In interviewing for jobs, I never knew if my epilepsy would be a problem. While dating Dave, I actually had a seizure and experienced his sensitivity and caring. There was no fear or discomfort from this man that I love. Our decision to have a child included the possibility that the child could have epilepsy.

Now, 38 years later, there are things that are an integral part of my being that have resulted from my epilepsy. These are the gifts that God gave me to acclimate to my condition. My mother and father both grew up on farms in families of faith. Surrounded by people who turned to their faith in all circumstance made God a bedrock for me. God is in control. I never felt that God chose me to zap with epilepsy, but at that time in my life God needed to be more in the center. As Kenneth Blanchard says, both adversity and unwarranted success result in our turning toward God. The importance of turning concerns over to God who is in control is something I have needed to learn more than once.

Suffering is a part of the human condition. If we live long enough, we will have challenges in our own lives or in the lives of those we love. What gives us the foundation to become “better rather than bitter,” as John Powell describes? Romans tells us that love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

The most important gift was a deepened sense of compassion. Although as a young person I was discouraged from telling others about my epilepsy, as an adult I have had that opportunity. People have been brought into my life who are dealing with epilepsy on many different levels. It has been a privilege to be able to listen to their concerns and experiences and to assure parents. Endurance leads to hope in God’s spirit at work in the world today and knowledge that there is an eternal Hope of life in the Lord.

— Carole Yoho

Courtesy of The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist