A SPECIAL CHILD

In order to address her particular abilities and struggles, Charlotte, our 12-year-old daughter with autism, must now attend a special school. After 17 weeks of multiple evaluations, updates and interviewing at three schools, we decided on a school. However, I still wasn't as comfortable with this decision as I wanted to be. I wasn't shedding the burden of all the considerations and feeling energized to move forward with the decision.

I found myself trying to explain away my confused feelings as those of a tired mother of a special needs child who is also the mother of a teenage child as well as a supportive wife, a home maker and a church and community volunteer. I suppressed the urge to seek the extra assurances I always want about the people in whose hands I place my children. I tried brushing my feelings away as inexplicable, unjustifiable and indefensible stumbling blocks to the decision- making process. I reminded myself thatnthe decision was made, and that I should trust God's hand in all that happens and get on with the next step. After all, I reasoned, I am not an expert about this, and any program will help her at least some. What is more, time is passing. We need to do something. In the midst of my confusion, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray specifically about the decision. Immediately I prayed saying: “Lord, Thank you for the gift of Charlotte in our lives. I know she is yours. At her baptism, I acknowledged my acceptance of Your place in her life, and her place in Your church. I love her like I never knew I could love. Yet, I know that You love her in even greater ways. Her family and I are doing our best to be good stewards of the gift you've given us, and support her in Your kingdom work. Now though, I am confused about what is best for Charlotte. I long to be sure that this decision is what You want for her. If it is, then please bless this choice and all those involved in carrying it out. However, if it is not what You want, then make it perfectly clear to me that it isn't, and what You would have us do instead. This we pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.”

Within minutes, I found myself recalling the meeting where our case manager recommended the schools, and how I felt as she looked directly while she did this. When I spoke with her again, it was clear that indeed she was conveying her experienced opinion in the way she described each of the schools being suggested. I could see the path that God had laid out for us. It will be a difficult course for us all, and especially for Charlotte. Still, I know that it will never be unbearable. As Paul held on his moment of regained sight, I also hold my answered prayer as God's sign sent to me that He prepares the way, is present on the journey and guarantees our arrival. I wonder if that case manager realizes that she was being used as an instrument of God. I must be sure to tell her. All to His Glory!

— Connie Whaley

Courtesy of The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist